I am a wife and a mom to three neurodivergent kids, each with their own unique needs. I have learned to advocate and support each of them by essentially creating their own individual “playbook.” We sought help for our challenges, but something was always missing. What was missing was the lived experience of professionals and the understanding of brain science of development, attachment theory, and very importantly, trauma-informed approaches to supporting our children. I have spent the last 18 years educating myself to be a better parent and advocate for my kids. I have also spent many years helping support caregivers and families using the most current brain science of development, understanding of relational safety, trauma informed and neuroaffirming practices to bring this knowledge to families so they have more effective tools in their caregiver toolbox. I learned about trauma, developmental trauma, complex trauma and its impact on brain development because of my own medically fragile child who suffered “pre-verbal” medical trauma: During his very early development, he was impacted by traumatic medical experiences that are like an imprint left in the unconscious brain. Trauma is defined as the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope, leaving them powerless. Dr. Gabor Mate, MD defines trauma as “not what happens to you, but what happens inside of you as a result of what happened to you”. It is a disconnection from self. Trauma can adversely impact one’s brain development. This adds another layer to an already complex child. Research has shown that chronic early childhood adversity and trauma can have a lasting impact that can be at the center of many challenges a child may experience throughout their life. This becomes even more important to understand when working with anyone who has neurodifferences, such as autism, ADHD, Tourette’s, learning challenges, Sensory processing challenges, etc. When an individual experiences the world differently, we must appreciate their unique experiences and support them in the areas they may struggle in. There is no "one size fits all" approach. It must be tailored to meet their individual needs and differences. Behaviors are not something to manipulate. Like an iceberg, behaviors, no matter how big or small, are information leading to what is lying beneath. The behaviors are just the tip of the iceberg we see. So much more is occurring under the surface that needs to be understand to appropriately support the child. Behaviors are information to approach with curiosity. Observing these behaviors with curiosity allows us to see our child as struggling and needing support, rather than being difficult or defiant, and thus, needing punishment. Growth is never achieved through control or coercive means; but through relationships, compassion and shifting the focus from something to be “fixed” to curiosity. It is through a neuroaffirming, holistic mindset that involves movement, sensory experiences, play, co-regulation and felt safety that leads to healing. It’s not what we do, it’s how we are with the children. This starts with relationships and education. This is the paradigm shift our children need adults in their life to make so they can be their most authentic and best versions of themselves. There are no bad children, just children with needs we may not understand until we dig deeper. Our children are not mini adults, their brains are still developing. In fact, full development doesn't occur until their late 20’s. Our expectations of them are not always appropriate based on their individual development and needs. Society’s antiquated norms have engrained us to think children can always control their behaviors, and if they just try harder, they would “behave” better. However, children are often brought to counseling offices or other professionals because of “‘symptoms” (i.e. behaviors), which in reality are the child's best attempt to survive in an environment that causes them stress. The result is what adults call "behaviors". I consider them "signals". I work with caregivers to help discover the individual needs of their child and how to dig beneath the surface by being a "stress detective". My foundation starts with believing caregivers know their child best and are their child's best advocate. My goal is to empower and guide families toward solutions that work for your family. My own lived experiences of navigating both the educational system and medical systems to meet my kids' needs have led me to this point and, despite the challenges I have found it crucial to enjoy the ordinary moments that are often overlooked when families face extraordinary circumstances. It is through our own regulated presence that we can find moments of joy and connection with our children. Through the years I have taken to heart what Dr. Bruce Perry, Trauma expert says, “People, not programs, change people.” In relationships we find healing. Through shared resources, guidance, compassion and advocacy I can help families find connection, harmony and help bring positive growth to your own nest. Your nest of felt safety.